Change?

How does one effect a positive change in one's own life? Over the past year or so I've been making a lot of startling discoveries about myself. I've also discovered that while I'm ultimately happy about who and where I am, that I posses a few traits which are underdeveloped at best and distasteful at worst. I tend to be extremely passionate, but only for a short time span on any one subject. Akin to that, I have an extremely broad knowledge base, but it trends towards, what I would consider, a shallow grasp of the subject matter. This is something I'd like to change. So, we come back to my original question, "How does one effect positive change in one's own life?"

My ideal would be to find the one thing that I can not only be passionate about, but something that will continue to hold my interest and passion for more than two to six months. But how do I do that? Or is it possible that I've already found it and just didn't realize or notice it at the time because I was distracted by another passion and never really followed through? I think that my plans for the future will allow me to focus on a particular subject for my passion, but how do I know this isn't just another one of my fads?

When you boil it all down, I think it basically comes down to one thing. I'm afraid. And when I realized that, I looked back and noticed a pattern. Most of my major decisions in life have been decided by my fear. And in almost all the cases I took the "safe" path, or the path of least resistance and have, while not being especially regretful of those decisions, also have made nothing to be proud of either. The few times I've made decisions based on something other than fear are the decisions that have made me either proud or regretful.

Everybody has always been telling me that I have such great potential. How I hated that phrase when I was growing up. Great, I've got potential, but potential for what exactly? The stock answer there was always "Whatever you want" followed by a gushing smile and a wish that they could have the same opportunities. The fallacy here is that potential is neutral. So yes, I have the potential to become an amazing doctor, or the one who discovers a unified field theory, but I also have the potential to become the a notorious serial killer, or an excellent corporate lawyer. So how do I figure out what it is that I really want to do when I excell at everything I attempt?

Sure, potential is a good thing to have, but I've never really used much of it, instead dealing it out in dribs and drabs and acheiving a sort of quiet medicrity with my life. While I've made progress, it has been slow, and to be honest, disappointing. I suppose it's sort of like the stock market, and so far my life has been an ultra conservative portfolio, minimal risk, but if I keep it up, then there's no way I'll be able to live off of it after I retire.

So how do I effect that change? Which direction should I pick? How do I know that it's the right one? Why is it that none of the important questions are ever easy?

Advanced rules.

Okay, after some experimentation and thought, the rules that I came up with earlier don't accurately reflect the real world circumstances which I find myself in. So I'm revising the rules to make them both harder and more lenient at the same time, i.e. more like real life. So without further ado:

Stop Smoking Advanced Ruleset

1. Beginning characters start at level 1.

2. Once every hour the character is allowed to make a will check in order to resist poison.

3. No carryover is allowed, if a roll is missed, then next hour only one roll is allowed.

4. Every successfully resisted poisoning gives 1 experience point.

5. Levelling up takes n*10 EXP where n is the current level.

6. As character level increases bonuses are granted to the saving throw. (See appendix)

7. Certain events that affect willpower will grant modifiers to the roll. (See appendix)

8. A roll of 20 always saves, and a roll of 1 always fails, NO MATTER WHAT.

Appendix A

1. The critical events mentioned in the chart above are for those instances where you habitually have ALWAYS had a cigarette before. For example, I always smoke right after I wake up, and when I arrive at and leave work. So at those times, I would apply the critical modifier to my roll.

2. The time modifier referenced above is an acknowledgement that this is a physical addiction, and every success makes the next one more difficult. For every time check period which has passed since your last smoke minus one, you apply this modifier. Sleeping resets the counter. So if you're a level 2 checking every hour and it's been 3 hours since you last smoked(skipped rolls or successful ones), then your next roll will be at a -4.

3. Fatigue also has a degrading effect on will, so for every hour you've been awake beyond 14 you get an additional time modifier.

4. Given that this is a will check and that stress negatively impacts willpower, stresses, good or bad, will give you a modifier.

A) Severe stresses are extremely rare and will inflict a -5 modifier to your roll. These would be so extreme in nature that you might have trouble lighting up due to the shakes, i.e. : car accident, informed of the death of a loved one, death by firing squad, etc...

B) Moderate stresses are uncommon and induce a -3 modifier. These stresses are strong enough to provoke an emotional response, but not the adrenaline rush of the severe stressors, i.e. : getting chewed out by the boss, arguement with significant other, sexual activity, etc...

C) Minor stresses are common and give a -1 modifier. This is the sort of thing that can happen every day, i.e. : busy day at work, finishing a game(win or lose), drinking with friends, stubbing a toe, having to answer the question "does this make me look fat?", etc...

5. Divine interventions. Once per day you can cheat and smoke a cigarette. I'm leaving this one in there to reflect that there are times when you just NEED a smoke. Also for levels 1-5 you can take it after a roll, but for levels 6-10 you have to take it BEFORE.

So there you have it. My expanded ruleset for DMing your own anti-smoking campaign. Some might note that I allow for rolls after becoming an ex-smoker, but I left that in there to recognize the fact that extenuating circumstances might arise where no matter how long it's been you just want to have another cigarette. After 3 days I have 4 experience points (I roll a lot of natural 20's) and am well on my way to becoming an ex-smoker.

The Campaign.

I'm a smoker... Not something that I'm especially proud of, but it's a part of my life. For a New Year's resolution (not that I really believe in them, but that's another story) I'm going to, if not quit, then at least seriously cut back on my smoking. In an idea that I'm borrowing from MC Frontalot I'm going to DM (Dungeon Master for the uninitiated) my own smoking abatement campagin. Here's the rules:

Carry around a D20 (twenty sided die) at all times.
Every time I want a cigarette, I'm going to make a will check to resist poison, notably, to resist poisoning myself.
Roll maximum of once per hour, no carry over. i.e. if I skip an hour then I can't roll twice next hour.
For the first week, only on a natural 20 will I save and successfully resist poisoning myself.
For every subsequent week I get a +1 bonus to my roll, so on the second week I resist on a 19 or 20, third week an 18 19 or 20, etc...
For every +5 I get one divine intervention, so when I'm down to 15 then I can cheat once per day, 10 twice, 5 three times.
By week 20 only on a critical fail (a 1) will I poison myself.

If I actually make it that far, then afterwards I'll see about changing the rules some to further cut down, possibly eliminating cheats, or elongating the interval between checks. For those of you that have spent time around me, you'll know that I usually abide by random chance. Be it the roll of a die, or a coin flip, or some other way of determining chance, then I always follow what comes. This should definitely be interesting, wish me luck.

It's never easy.

Had an interesting meeting earlier today at work. It looks like my job is going to be moving in a new direction, and one which I am actually enthusiastic about going... This could be a deal breaker for my planned move back home. The decision to move still remains, now it's just a question of where do I want to go. One one hand I could stay here and keep working in addition to going to school, I'd just have to move closer to work and find a place that's a little less expensive. On the other hand I could move back to AZ and try to find a job, establish residency, and eventually move back out of my parents' house once I found a place that I'd want to stay. On the gripping hand I could come across something unexpected and do something else entirely. Sometimes I wish my life were simpler.

Have to cut this one a little short as I'm at work right now, and though it's a little slow I don't like spending too much time on personal matters. Damned ethics...

Sweet sorrow.

How is it possible for life to be so beautiful and suck so much at the same time? I just had the best night of my life in about the last 5 years. But the one that I was with is already someone else's. And I love her, and him, too much to do anything that would screw that up. Classic Romeo and Juliet syndrome, but fortunately (unfortunately?) I'm a lot smarter than either of those two tragic youths to throw away so much of my life on a brief moment of exquisite joy and pain that would be involved.

This might be part of the problem that I have in forming lasting relationships. I'm already in love with someone, and I know that the feeling is mutual. This might just be a problem of the fantasy always being better than the reality, but we've never had a reality beyond just being friends, so who's to say. Granted, we've had our problems in the past, and would definitely have them in the future, but at the same time, we agree on so many things, but have the benefit of differences that the other finds interesting. In order to acheive the same depth of feeling for someone else, I'll have to have known them for as long as I've known her. More than half my life at this point. Troublesome to say the least.

Since I recently had a birthday, I've been reflecting a lot on the last year, and my position in life in general, so this might also be some kind of natural extendion of that. I've definitely had an interesting year. Losing a job that I was expecting to be a career, and finding a new one. Asking lots of questions about where I am, and for the first time really deciding that I may not be on a path that I really want to continue down. Love, life, religion, status, the eternal questions that may never have answers. I think I've got a fairly good plan for moving forward, now I just have to stick to my guns and follow through, as opposed to just going where the current takes me. It's both exciting and frightening at the same time. Tonight is just helping point out to me that I need to CHANGE! and drastically before the option to make any significant change is passed.

I may not have been posting much as of late, but if I've got something to say, then I'll be here writing about it most likely. Enjoy the ride.

Back and Badder than Before

Well, I'm feeling a little better today. Still have a touch of a headache, but it's nowhere near as debilitating as it was previously. I've also got food in the fridge again, so that's one less thing to hassle with. Eating more is one of the things I seriously need to think about again. I found a scale at work and discovered that I weigh 145#. Great if I was 5'10", but since I'm 6'4" that gives me a BMI of only 17.6 putting me well into the underweight category. Granted I look ok with some very well defined musculature as my body fat is probably down around 1-2%, but I also look extremely skinny. Not to the point that I look malnourished yet, but if I don't start eating more then that's probably not far off.

On a happier note, the Hawk is Back! Granted, it's slightly offcenter and a little bit thinner than I had hoped, but really no worse than when I had a "professional" cut it last time. Also right now it's a little on the short side, but I think it might actually work out better that way. It's easier to spike and, given the natural curl of my hair, tangles less. They haven't yet seen it at my new place of work, so tomorrow night should be interesting. The guy who rides his Harley will no doubt think it's pretty cool, but my lead, well, I don't really know what he's going to think. Still though, it's nice to ride the motorcycle and feel the wind on my freshly shorn scalp. It's a sensation that is undescribable if you've never felt it, but the closest I can think of would be like having a scalp massage after a really long tough day, only all over at once and lasting longer to boot. Now somewhat perversely this style is a lot easier to maintain than my previous '50s generic male, but it requires far more maintenance. Have to shave it again at least twice a week, and preferrably every other day if not more. But hey, nobody ever said that looking THIS good was easy, right? XD

Bleah

I hate being sick. Of course, this could all just be an allergy reaction combined with not having eaten anything in the last 24 hours or so and oversleeping. But I've got the headache, nausea, and a fever so who knows. I don't have any food in the house, was supposed to go shopping when I woke up earlier, so I'm going to have to get up and moving just so I can garner SOME sustenance. Just not really looking forward to it right now. Hopefully I'll feel better after taking a shower.

I'm Not Dead Just Yet

I hate writers block. This one was somewhat self imposed though. I looked back over my past entries and found that I didn't really have much to say that wasn't there already, so I decided not to post for a bit to see if I could spend some time coming up with exciting or interesting things to write. I've discovered that I'm a fairly boring person... Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my life and I have quite a few different things that I'm interested in, it's just that I don't do a lot that I feel would be interesting to others. But, given what I've seen in other blogs making their way through the aether that's not really the point. The point seems to be to tell your story no matter how boring or uninteresting you might think it is, because someone out there will probably find something that you never even thought to look for. Maybe they will even let you know about it and allow you to realize that your life isn't just marking time until you die and allow you a greater appreciation for some of the small things that make you a wonderful person. Of course the flip side is that someone might point out to you just how shallow and uninspiring the things that you do take pride in are. Either way, just write something, and even if nobody else ever sees it you will at least have one more activity that you can feel some sense of accomplishment for.

So, had a few interesting commutes over the past week. Despite their best efforts the cagers have yet to succeed in killing me. At one point I almost had a core sample of my head taken by a pipe sticking off the back of a truck... Weather has been rather amazing with all of the storms coming through and temps getting up to the 90s. It's kind of strange really, the same people that will drive 80MPH through a blizzard with a foot of snow already on the ground won't go more than 20MPH once that first drop of rain hits the windshield. The duality can be rather aggravating at times. Also had an interesting couple of days at work escorting a technician. He didn't really know what the heck he was doing and I ended up teaching him a lot about his job. The routine is becoming more so every day.

It's odd how rapidly one can fall into a routine. Here I am, not yet a month into my new job, and I'm already used to it. There are still a few surprises here and there and I'm still building relationships with coworkers, but the pace of change and discovery is already slacking off. Now would probably be a good time to start working on getting a few of those certifications that will help me get a better job down the line.

Choices

Work was about the usual last night, but the drive in was interesting... Attached is the weather map from about 5 minutes before I left with my approximate start and end points showing as the red markers. I'm sure my mother would be happy to note that I took my car. Not that I mind riding the motorcycle in the rain, but for an hour and a half in full rain gear in 75-90 degree weather means that I would be severely dehydrated after sweating my brains out while trying to remain relatively dry. It did make for some very pretty scenery on the way home in the morning, but alas, the battery on my phone died so no pictures. It's fairly interesting to see snow on the mountains when it's still this hot out. Fortunately (?) the storm system is supposed to stay here for a couple more days at least, so I might get another opportunity soon.

Just finished reading The Years of Rice and Salt again and it's made me reexamine a few things in my life. If you haven't read it, then I would recommend it. Basically it reaffirmed that, at it's core precepts, I still remain Buddhist in my outlook. But as with seemingly all religions nowadays, the dogma seems to have overtaken the message in importance and thus I find myself unable to join the congregation. I digress though, back to my examination of my life. I find myself fairly content with my life, but it feels somehow lacking. With all of my gifts, I somehow feel that I should be making a greater contribution somewhere. I suppose I'm just waiting for that one "Dare to be Great" moment to come along so that I can make an important choice, and hopefully make one that makes the world a better place. Not that I haven't had my share of crucial choices in my life, but most of them seem to affect me and my life more than they do anyone else's. I'm fairly certain that in most of those I made the right decisions, or at least I don't regret the majority of the choices I have made. There are still a few that still remain in contention as to whether or not the correct path was chosen, but things seem to be working out so far. I guess my main worry right now is that for most of my life I've been alone, but for the first time I'm starting to feel lonely. How does one change at this point? How can I somehow transform myself into a person that actively seeks out more and more friends, when my life up to this point has marked me as a lone wolf with just a small number of blood trusted companions who have shared the path for a while? Is that what I really want, or do I just want to get back to alone without being lonely?

I know a lot of that sounds fairly depressing, but I'm not really seeing it that way. It's more of a "Here I am, now where do I want to go?" feeling. More hopeful than maudlin. Definitely something to spend some time on.

Sammy's a Fighter

I know I don't mention too much about my family or what's going on in other people's lives, but I felt like sharing this. My nephew has been having a rough time as of late but it looks like his chance at a future is getting a lot better. Check out my sister's blog if you want to know more details. Suffice it to say that I'm happy for the little guy. Also, no offence to Olivia and George, but for never having met them, Samuel has always been my favorite. It's great to hear that my odds of seeing him grow up are steadily improving. And a little bit of an aside, since familial relationships are awesome, but since no one I know seems to know what to call the relationship once you get beyond immediate ties, I found a handy chart that explains it all.

And after talking to a few more people from my last job, apparently the layoff was an actual layoff this time. I suppose that the suits at my old company are evil, just not as evil as I had imagined. Of course, this is most likely just round one or a precursor to them shutting down the command center entirely and moving it elsewhere, but at least they had enough honor left in their shriveled little souls to do the right thing when cutting the remaining numbers in half. Either way, I'm better off having gotten out when I did and am happy working at my new job so no tears there.

Past and Future

Apparently my old job had another round of layoffs yesterday. Don't know too many details as of yet, mainly whether these were in fact layoffs, or more thin excuses to fire people in order to avoid having to pay severance or unemployment. I'll probably find out more over the next few days, but as I'm working again it's not too important to me other than I feel bad for some of the people still there. I suppose there's something to be said for leading the wave. Now I'll just have to crack down and get moving forward on my plans to make myself more marketable in the future.

I am making a few friends at work. There are a lot of rabbits and prairie dogs running around as well as a few squirrels, and they seem to keep to specific areas of the campus. There's also one enormous crow who has got to be about 12" from beak to rectrices, haven't thought of a real good name for him yet but I'm leaning towards Ogre. One rabbit in particular as well whom I've decided to dub Crazy Legs. He might just be young and his body hasn't quite caught up with his hind legs yet, but he's got some of the most disproportionate hind legs of any lagomorph I've seen around here. He tends to hang out near the smoking area for my building, so I see quite a bit of him. Got a nice pic of him just lounging about. No pics of the crow yet, but I'll have to see if I can get one.

The More I Learn.

Week 1 has come to a close. I've got two more days with a teammate on my shift and then I've pretty much got the run of the place to myself. There's still a few people in the other buildings, Helpdesk, Security, miscellaneous System Admins in to work on their machines, etc... but I can go the whole night without seeing another person. There seems to be a much lower workload at night, mainly doing installs and upgrades that have been scheduled well in advance, and since it's not normal working hours the few calls I get seem to have a little less urgency attatched to them. This doesn't mean I'm going to slack though, if it's work related then it automatically gets flagged as urgent in my brain and everything else becomes a secondary concern. It's that combination of extreme work ethic and extreme laziness that makes me an efficiency expert. I get the job done right and in as little time as possible so that I can get back to doing my own thing and remain undisturbed as long as possible. Now if only I could apply that to my personal life instead of just my professional one.

I came across an interesting moral dilemma last night. A little background to start it out. I work in a 24*7 environment. For those of you that are unfamiliar with this, that means that someone is there ALL the time, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365.242199 days a year. Most companies that do this generally have four shifts of people working 12 hours at a time on some sort of schedule where one week you work four days and the next you work three. Now it just so happens that the contracting agency that I'm working for has a different end of week than the company I work at. It's going to work out that I'll have FIVE days on one paycheck and two on the next. So instead of the more normal 40+8 and 36 hour paychecks, I'm going to have a 40+20 and a 24. Or in other words I'll be working 84 hours every two weeks, and originally I thought I'd be getting paid for 88 (anything over forty hours gets paid at one and a half times the normal rate) but it turns out I'll be getting paid for 94 hours every two weeks instead. So the dilemma is this: Do I call my contracting agency and possibly give them a heads up that their current system is going to increase my pay by about 7%, or just wait until they get my timecards and a nasty shock to boot?

Brrrrrrr

I am definitely going to have to start taking my fleece in to work with me. The room where my cubicle is located is kept at about 65º and the data centers where I go when I have work to do are about 55-60º. Plus, on my way home in the morning it's about 55-60º and when you tack on 75MPH of wind chill it's about 45-50º. I'm already wearing the leather jacket but it doesn't really have any insulation to speak of unless I put the liner in, and that would pretty much cook me on the way in. So this pretty much means I'm going to have to start taking my backpack instead of my tailbag. Since there's nothing to eat at work except for what I bring with me, plus any books or other diversions, there just won't be room.



As for around the house, I haven't really had much of an opportunity to do much lately what with my long commute, 12-hour workday, and trying to squeeze in a little sleep here and there. My lawnmower recently decided that it doesn't want to start so I'm going to have to get it serviced, but that's going to have to wait for another paycheck or two. But it looks like one of my neighbors mowed it for me yesterday, so whoever it was, thank you! Also, I've got a wasp's nest about the size of a softball, or a medium grapefruit over my front door. So I'll need to grab a can of spray and suit up in my full winter riding outfit and bomb the sucker. I figure since air can't find it's way inside, then the wasps won't have much of a chance either. Not that I relish the task, but it should prove an interesting, if momentary, diversion.

Movin' On Up

Well, I've finally gotten access to all of the places I need to go to do my job, and all of the required databases. Not too shabby, considering that at my last job the physical access would have taken two or three weeks, and even after working there for four years I still hadn't gotten all of the database accesses required. Granted, my current job is slightly more limited in scope, but I still can't help but be impressed by how well everyone seems to know their job or who to talk to to get what needs to be done done. Speaking of knowing the job, apparently I have impressed my coworkers with how fast I'm catching on and instead of waiting until next week to start my normal shift, I've got today off and am starting on tomorrow night. It's a little scary actually, I don't really believe that I'm ready, and working at night I'm not going to have as many people around if I've got a question. But, on the other hand the vote of confidence is inspiring and I'll probably be able to muddle my way through any difficulties that arise. Only time will tell I suppose and the times should definitely be interesting to say the least.

The balloons were back yesterday morning, there must be a park or something nearby where they land or take off. Not sure if there is such a thing as an airfield for hot air balloons, I suppose I'll have to take a look and see what I can find.

The drive was a lot less exciting today, though the collar of my shirt did manage to escape the confines of my jacket. The constant flapping as my collar beat a tattoo against the side of my helmet just about drove me mad. Also once my shift was over at 1700 I stuck around for a bit shooting the breeze with the guys just so I wouldn't have to wade through as much traffic on the way home. Left at about 1730 and though there were a few slow spots, it was nowhere near as bad as the previous day when I might as well have walked home. Ended up getting home just before 1900. Of course now that I've figured out a pattern it is rendered moot due to my change in schedule.

Now begins the test. Can I manage to flip my schedule back around in one day and actually make it through a night at work? We'll soon find out I suppose.

Excitement and Adventure

Yesterday was interesting. Had a near death experience on my way to work. The guy in the truck in front of me wasn't paying attention and slid into the SUV he was following. I jammed on my brakes, then let go and swerved off to the side between him and the median where I came to a stop and fell over. The guy who was following me managed to stop before he hit the truck that I was following, but not before I would have been smashed between the two vehicles had I still been there. Guy behind me comes over and makes sure I'm OK then helps me stand the bike back up. Says "I'm glad you managed to get out of the way." I smile back and manage to get out "So am I, thanks." He slaps me on the back and goes back to his vehicle, and I continue on my journey. Of course about a mile down the road I'm shaking like a leaf in the throes of adrenaline withdrawal. That stuff will definitely wake you up quickly, but it's a pretty harsh come-down.

Of course unbeknownst to me at the time, one of the bungees holding my tailbag in place has come unhooked. So farther down the road it slides off to the right and comes to a rest against my rear wheel. Of course, about 20 or 30 miles later I notice something's amiss I reach back with my left hand (my right is on the throttle and you can't really let go with that one) and don't feel my bag at all. Great, now I think I lost my bag. Ok, nothing too important in there, except a bunch of new hire paperwork with more than enough information on it to steal my identity, and my checkbook for setting up automatic deposit. Oh well, we'll just have to call the bank when I get to work, and start looking for web pages on identity theft... The last 10 miles or so in wasn't very fun as I was going over this in my head. When I finally get to work however, Lo and Behold! it's there, just fell off to the right! Of course it was resting against my wheel so I now have a huge melted spot on one corner, (didn't quite breach to the interior of the bag) and one of my bungees is melted half through. Still, better than losing it completely. Plus, there were a bunch of hot air balloons taking off from the fields across from work, and it's still pretty cool out. Maybe today won't be so bad after all...

Actually had quite a bit of fun at work. Couple of interesting problems to work on. One of them actually made me miss lunch, but I was busy, so I didn't really notice. Cafeteria opens at 1100 and starts closing around 1400. We got the call at 1130, just about the time I'm starting to think of getting a snack, and then I'm up to my elbows in a mass of cabling, rebooting and logging on, helping one of the women on the build team, and updating SAs and the customer on a conference call. By them time we figure out enough to leave it for now and possibly come back later once they've got a fix for the problem, it's 1530. No food for me! Especially seeing as how now we've got to go work on a few other things that came up while we were busy. Not too bad though, got some Skittles from a vending machine and stopped on the way home to grab some real food.

Speaking of the ride home... I really despise traffic. Monday I left work Just before 1800 and got home a little bit after 1900. Not too bad seeing as how my morning drive (with very little traffic to speak of) takes about 50-60 minutes. But yesterday, I leave just a little after 1700, and get home... a little bit after 1900. Stop and go traffic for about 20 miles through the heart of downtown. My hands are cramping up from constantly working the clutch, brake, and throttle, and it's one of the hotter days of the year so far so I'm getting pretty worn out. After I get home I hear that it's probably due to the final American Idol tryouts being held downtown with lines wrapping all the way around the stadium and traffic being a huge mess with all the people coming in from out of state. Just one more reason for me to hate that show in particular and TV in general I suppose.

Hi-ho

It's nice to be working again. The job is about what I expected, and seems interesting enough. My only complaint so far is that the buildings are a maze. It's going to take me quite some time to figure out my way around. Also once I'm on my regular shift, I'm going to have to start bringing in my own lunch. We have to stay on-site, and the cafeteria is only open for lunch... Still, looks like there will be plenty of time for learning new things and maybe taking a few on-line courses. I'll have to reread the policies to see what's acceptable and what's not. Kind of a short post today, because I spent most of my free time sleeping, just getting myself set to work the day schedule. I'll have to write more later.

Minor Greivance

Well, I did finally get a confirmation on the start date for my new job. Monday, but instead of putting me to work on my shift, they want me from 0800 to 1700 M-F for the first week, because that's when the regulars (non-contract) will be there to train me. Not a bad idea, it's just that now I'm going to have to flip back to a day schedule since I had already changed to my "normal" mode of staying up all night. Oh well, should be interesting nonetheless, though traffic is probably going to have a little extra helping of suck added on to it.

I was reading a book today and couldn't help but notice that the author kept referring to the brakes on a character's car as "breaks." I hate it when things like that happen. It breaks up the whole flow of the story for me. Things like this jump out at me and kill whatever other mental processes are going on at the time. It's not really much, but it does lower my overall enjoyment of the experience. Now in normal amateur writings (like blogs or forum posts for instance) I really don't mind this, and to a certain extent expect it. But in a novel put out by a publisher that has presumably been gone over by professional editors and through several readings this sort of thing shouldn't happen.

I notice small spelling and grammatical mistakes quite often, and in some rather unusual places. I suppose I have my mother the english teacher to thank for this. I do make it a point not to correct the individual unless of course I have been asked to proofread or edit. I suppose that would make me a closet grammar-nazi. I notice the mistakes, and as loudly as I'm screaming profanities against the abuser within my mind, but I don't point them out in any sort of public way. I suppose I could blame the education system for failing to teach these people proper spelling and grammar, but that would be too easy. Granted, the education system in this country is far from ideal, but I believe that it is merely indicative of a greater societal problem. Nobody cares about spelling or grammar anymore. Especially with the texting and internet focus of our younger members where the idea is to get across a complete idea using as few keystrokes as possible. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing as it takes a little bit of critical thinking ability to figure out what "gtgttyl" actually means, but I think it's a poor substitute for actual communication.

Which brings me to my next topic. I don't like communicating with people unless it's face to face and in person. My preferences for talking to another individual would be as follows, from most preferred to least: In person, telephone, webcam, e-mail, chat, writing a letter, semaphore, smoke signals, texting, carrier pigeon. In a face to face conversation you can impart more information in a shorter time than any other listed mode, not just with your words, but with body language, tone, intonation, and whatever other subtle cues you may not even realize you are sending or receiving. Telephone would be next because although you lose the visual medium, you are still able to hear inflection and intonation. Webcam would actually be one higher if it weren't for two things, it pretty much means you're rooted to one spot, and it's still not perfected resulting in flat sounds and choppy motion. E-mail, while chopping off both the visual and audible aspects, still allows for full words and sentences, plus it has the added benefit of contemplation of what you are saying and your word choices before you send them. Chat would be another one that could be higher, but people tend to focus more on the instantaneous aspect than the communication aspect, typing in shorthand, or worse, in a group chat, everyone talking at once. Letter writing might be higher given that it has the potential for hand-writing and thus imparting some sense of the personal, but it takes too long (relatively) and is expensive (again, relatively). Semaphore and smoke signals, while impractical would still re-incorporate the visual aspect. Texting... texting could be a lot higher on my list, but the modern attitudes towards it are just abysmal, basically, you only really text when you have a cell phone, so why not just give me a call and allow for more information to be exchanged in a shorter period of time with more personality behind it as well. Carrier pigeon would be the archaic version of texting, 'nuff said.

The Most Diffucult Part

The hardest part of writing these things is coming up with a title. Especially when most of my writing is off the cuff and unplanned. How do you come up with a title when you're not too clear on what the contents are going to be? I suppose it might make a little more sense to write first and title later when I don't have any clear idea of where I'm going. As for the whole point of the excercise of writing a Blog? To become a better writer. I figured I'd try out the Jim Green method of writing, and while I'm not sticking to it quite as closely as I'd hoped, I think I'm making progress. If nothing else, I'm improving my typing speed. For the full method, check out http://www.anthologiesonline.com/writing_basics.htm

I did notice something a little odd when I was jumping around to random blogs looking for inspiration. Most of the ones that I came across in English are written by women, generally about family activities, or crafts. Most of the ones that I came across that were written by men were usually artists showcasing their work with very little writing in them whatsoever. Now my random sampling is in no way a scientific method, and my results could be fairly anomolous, so don't read too much into them. The one thing that most blogs have in common though, is the creative drive. People who have created something and want to share it with others (yes I include family in that). This brought up the question of, what have I created that I am sharing? Nothing. My blog is more of a narrative account, and possibly a stream of consciousness project. Though it could be argued that what I am creating to share is, in fact, the blog itself. Is that shallow? Does this make my words somehow less meaningful than those who are sharing other creative activities? Or is the reverse true that mine are somehow MORE meaningful because I am sharing of myself and not just one aspect of my life? Or, am I just reading entirely too much into this? Any amateur psychologists out there who can help me clear this up, or should I seek professional help? :D

Went through the ordeal of trimming my dog's nails today... Ended up quicking him once, and it's actually kind of strange, he put up less of a fuss on that nail than any of the other ones. I'm not suggesting that I should start cutting them too short on purpose in order to make it less of a hassle, but it was odd. I did have the astringent ready, as I always do when I'm trimming his nails, so he didn't bleed too much though. Also, while were on the subject of my dog, I found an interesting photography technique called tilt-shifting. I'm sure my sister would know more about this as she actually studied the subject, but in short, by blurring the top and bottom of a picture, you fool the eye into thinking that it's looking at a miniature replica. Don't know how effective it is, but instead of spending a couple grand on a lens, I found a website that you can upload pictures to and then apply a filter. http://tiltshiftmaker.com/ I tried it out on a picture of my dog basking in the sun, but for how effective it is, I'll let you be the judge.

Why is six afraid of seven?

Happy 7/8/9 everyone! (say it out loud...) Not much going on here, just finished up the remainder of my new hire paperwork this morning, and it's looking like Monday is going to be my first day of work. Still not set in stone, but looking firmer every day. I'm starting to worry that I may be getting too anxious. Sure, it's going to be great to be working again, but it's still a job. Every job has it's bad points to go along with the good. No matter how excited I am, this is not going to be my dream job where I'll never want to leave. Just have to relax and get into more of a neutral attitude.

Thinking of starting to shave my head again. Hair's getting long and since I ride the motorcycle, there's not too much I can do with it. Basically I'm starting to look like Egon. Now don't get me wrong, Ghostbusters was a great movie but I don't really want to start looking like what was ostensibly the dorkiest character of the lot. Suppose I should at least wait until I get the picture taken for my new badge. Then I can even go back to the mohawk! Yes, I can already hear certain family members groaning. But, if I'm going to be going back to school, then I'll need to reassert some of my latent personality traits which don't necessarily go well with corporate america.

Let's face it, I'm a punk. Of course my dad would only all to readily agree, but he has a different idea of what it means to be a punk than I do. Basically, to me at least, being a punk means identifying with yourself before anything else. Too many people all too readily identify themselves with some type of external organization, be it political, religious, gender-based, social clique, whatever. To me, being a punk is the ultimate statement of "I am ME!" and I tend to define external organizations by how closely they follow along with my ideals rather than the other way around. It might take a little bit of mental judo to really wrap your mind around the idea, but once you do, you might want to be a punk too. Of course, my parents will probably understand where I'm coming from since they pretty much brought me up to be this way, so I suppose that thanks are in order.

Well, I suppose that's all for now. Check back later for more wacky adventures! Excelsior!

Fire!

Fireworks to be more precise... 5 different houses in my neighborhood had their own little fireworks shows going on. From the awesome, one of my neighbors is an ex-special effects guy and he was launching two inch mortars, and another one who just likes fireworks who lacked the connections for the two inchers but made up for it with the quantity of everything else. To the merely cool, kids with sparklers, bottle rockets, and roman candle wars with some of my more adventuresome neighbors. Was going to go down and see a friend in the Springs, but didn't get in touch with them so ended up staying home and partying with the rest of the block. Rain cleared up right before sundown so it was pleasantly cool and everyone was outside and just talking. Pretty nice and laid back holiday if you ask me.

It's always fun to watch stuff explode. Granted, this was stuff that is designed, and whose only purpose is, to explode so it lacks a little bit of the cool factor. I always secretly keep hoping to see a mortar fall over and fire into someones garage or something. Am I alone there, or does anybody else wish for just that extra little bit of chaos to make the event more memorable?

My computer is at about 95% of the functionality I had before the problems. Just a few programs left to install, but they're not that critical and so will probably wait until I need to use them again. Speaking of which, I still need to get in touch with a few ex-co-workers and recover some of the software/books/music/etc... that I loaned out. Not that big of a problem, it might actually be nice to talk to a few of them again and see how things are going.

I did get a call today from one of my ex-co-workers who just got back from his class trip to Croatia. Sounds like he had a great time. Got a lot of pictures too, so we're gonna have to hang out sometime soon. He told me that they did finally manage to fill my position, but that training isn't going nearly as well as the managers had hoped. Looks like they're starting to realize just how valuable I was... Too bad they fired me, that means they can't hire me back now that they're realizing just how stupid a move that was. I never claimed to be irreplaceable, but I wore some pretty big shoes.

Still going stir crazy. Only one more week, and I get to start working! I've pretty much beaten that topic to death though, so I'll just say that that's where I still am and we'll just have to see how the week goes by.